Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
