I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
