Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
