can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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