My room smells like vodka and shame
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
