i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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