Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
