he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
as a side note pls kill me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
