I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
