Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
