Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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