I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
