I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So vagazzling was a success
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
