I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
