Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
