either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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