She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
