I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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