glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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