I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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