I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
