He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
