Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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