We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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