I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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