What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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