I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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