I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
