Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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