If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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