Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
