i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
