TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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