I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
