WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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