youre lurking in front of me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
