oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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