what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
