he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
