home. puking in laundry basket.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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