community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
