he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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