You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
