All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
