Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
