What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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