I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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