jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
