I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
