This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
