I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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