i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
