You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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