you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
