You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We had sex on a dog bed..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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