My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
