life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
