The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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