my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
