it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
