I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
