So drunk its hurt
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
