I cockslap morals
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize