Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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