another moral hangover. fuck.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
