I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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