Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
