There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
