Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
