It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
