I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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