I hate your face
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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